Tuesday, March 18, 2008 

Yappari...

...Chopin wa motto mo aisuru.

(Of course...I love Chopin the most)

Here's a quote of his that I found today:

"I am gay on the outside...but inside something gnaws at me; some presentiment, anxiety, dreams - or sleeplessness - melancholy, indifference - desire for life, and the next instant, desire for death; some kind of sweet peace, some kind of numbness, absent-mindedness..."

And here's one of my favorite nocturnes by Chopin, as interpreted by Arthur Rubinstein:



3/18/2008 09:13:00 PM | |

Friday, March 14, 2008 

I did the color quiz, just like Sabete




ColorQuiz.comRonnie took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Considers the existing circumstances disagreeable ..."


Click here to read the rest of the results.




*-I think a agree with most everything except the part about wanting to be the center of attention (I prefer working behind the scenes), but the need for esteem is dead correct-*

Free personality analysis of Ronnie.
Generated on Thu Mar 13 17:38:41 2008.

Ronnie's Existing Situation

    Is seeking a solution to existing problems or anxieties, but is liable to find it difficult to decide on a right course to follow.

Ronnie's Stress Sources

    Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Ronnie's Restrained Characteristics

    Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood or adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement.

    Becomes distressed when her needs or desires are misunderstood and feels that she has no one to turn to or rely on. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.


Ronnie's Desired Objective

    Considers the existing circumstances disagreeable and over-demanding. Refuses to allow anything to influence her point of view.

Ronnie's Actual Problem

The need for esteem--for the chance to play some outstanding part and make a name for herself--has become imperative. She reacts by insisting on being the center of attention, and refuses to play an impersonal or minor role.

**Thanks to Sabete for sharing another cool quiz**

3/14/2008 10:37:00 AM | |

Wednesday, March 12, 2008 

Missed February...

I figured it was time to update a little, especially since I didn't blog at all in February.

So what's been up?

Well, if there's anything that's a constant in my life, it's CHANGE. I see my Boogie Man growing every week that he stays over, work is slowly evolving into a place where I'm not completely comfortable or confident or proud, and I observe that everyone else in my life is aging - and it's started to become a fear for me.

I find I'm more anxious lately. I'm more easily irritable, upset, moody and intolerant to the littlest, insignificant things I encounter (especially at work).

If changes happen at a pace I'm not prepared for (or not willing to accept), it becomes such a tremendous stressor. I abhor most anything that does not go my way, or go as I planned. I have become less and less flexible. Perhaps I've become less understanding, more selfish, less compassionate - especially in regards to work.

I'm finding it difficult to cope. I've always had problems understanding things, written or verbal, or even non-verbal, but lately nothing makes sense to me. Interactions are forced. I'd much rather keep to myself these days. I'd much rather hear silence than noise pollution.

I'm more reclusive. I'm more pensive. These days, I regret words I've spoken. I regret emotions I've shown to others. I hate not being able to CONTROL myself.

I hate that I shed tears so easily now. I hate that I can't rid myself of worries and fears. I hate many things, including myself.

I had an awful anxiety attack today. I didn't medicate myself for it, I just rode it out, but it's always so tiring and draining afterwards.

It's a little hard to be alive right now.

There. That's where I'm at right now.

3/12/2008 06:24:00 PM | |