A little bit of creativity amidst my sinus woes
Damn hay fever. It sucks to be sick. I started sneezing yesterday, but awoke this morning with really bad post nasal drip, watery/itchy eyes, and a pressurized head. Maybe staying in the house so much is making me sick. Perhaps a bit of fresh air will do me good. Hmm...best to wait 'til sundown to exit the house. I'm afraid of the sun ;p
I've just been in some kind of limbo state, not wanting to do much or anything at all. I spent some time in front of the computer to watch the rest of my J-Dorama show, Antique. Then after that, I was just at a loss as to what to do next. I have no drive whatsoever. So, I put some music on, and suddenly words filled my head.
See, there's been things stuck in the back of my mind. It's already November. The only date in November that's been sticking out in my brain is Nov. 8, the date of my next appointment with my psychiatrist. I never gave much thought to the important date of Nov. 4, my birthday. Has it lost so much significance, that I think of it as just another ordinary day?
Well, it's most likely because birthdays aren't celebrated as much in adulthood, at least for me. It's just a day where family wishes you a happy birthday, and sometimes you get gifts. But, there's no party, no celebration. It's just a date that marks another year passed, and another year older.
I digress. These thoughts of the impending birthday, made me feel sad, for what have I accomplished in yet another year? Nothing significant that I can think of. I've just been working, just been struggling to manage my illnesses, and really just existing. I think I've reached a point where I'm evaluating my life, and finding that not much is happening.
I've been in a creative drought for a very long time. I'm not very good at making poems, I think. I'd be better at making a song. But my guitars are string-less, as I haven't gone out to get new strings for them yet. And I just had to get out these thoughts into words, and thus came up with
this:
OLDER
I'm growing older
and growing weak
life is not over
but life is now bleak
26 years on this earth
and still nothing learned
of love and its beauty
still alone and unknown
Still wanting to share
or have someone witness
this life of mine
pathetic or not, who knows
Surely, I'm not evil
I hope I'm welcoming
but not attracting, I guess
and left to stagnate on the side
Wondering how it is to have love
or to be swept up in it
But no chance of it is near
and I'll stay this way, I fear
How many years left to live
nobody really knows
but I fear the years that are left
will be spent all alone
I've just been in some kind of limbo state, not wanting to do much or anything at all. I spent some time in front of the computer to watch the rest of my J-Dorama show, Antique. Then after that, I was just at a loss as to what to do next. I have no drive whatsoever. So, I put some music on, and suddenly words filled my head.
See, there's been things stuck in the back of my mind. It's already November. The only date in November that's been sticking out in my brain is Nov. 8, the date of my next appointment with my psychiatrist. I never gave much thought to the important date of Nov. 4, my birthday. Has it lost so much significance, that I think of it as just another ordinary day?
Well, it's most likely because birthdays aren't celebrated as much in adulthood, at least for me. It's just a day where family wishes you a happy birthday, and sometimes you get gifts. But, there's no party, no celebration. It's just a date that marks another year passed, and another year older.
I digress. These thoughts of the impending birthday, made me feel sad, for what have I accomplished in yet another year? Nothing significant that I can think of. I've just been working, just been struggling to manage my illnesses, and really just existing. I think I've reached a point where I'm evaluating my life, and finding that not much is happening.
I've been in a creative drought for a very long time. I'm not very good at making poems, I think. I'd be better at making a song. But my guitars are string-less, as I haven't gone out to get new strings for them yet. And I just had to get out these thoughts into words, and thus came up with
this:
OLDER
I'm growing older
and growing weak
life is not over
but life is now bleak
26 years on this earth
and still nothing learned
of love and its beauty
still alone and unknown
Still wanting to share
or have someone witness
this life of mine
pathetic or not, who knows
Surely, I'm not evil
I hope I'm welcoming
but not attracting, I guess
and left to stagnate on the side
Wondering how it is to have love
or to be swept up in it
But no chance of it is near
and I'll stay this way, I fear
How many years left to live
nobody really knows
but I fear the years that are left
will be spent all alone
pssst ... happy birthday. suck it up or blow it out, because yer 26 now. one year closer to death. yay!
no worries though ... i'm on my way as well. i've been 26 for almost a whole year now, but i still haven't felt it. well .. that's not true. sometimes i feel like i'm 80 years old. and then other days i feel like we're still 18.
where does the time go when it goes by?
Posted by
sabete |
11/04/2005 12:24:00 AM
"where does the time go when it goes by?"
the sucker slips past us in stealth all the time, then exposes itself days before your birthday and laughs in your face
Posted by
ronnie |
11/04/2005 10:00:00 AM