I hate Paxil...with all my being...
Dammit...I go 2 days...2 measly days without that fucking pill, and my whole world crumbles.
Okay, so it's my fault my ADD gets the best of me - especially when it comes to remembering to pick up my damn pills...
So I suffered through my entire weekend off...in paxil withdrawal. Why? 'Cause I remembered to refill my damn pills, but forgot to pick them up on Saturday - only realizing I went the day without them when Megadrug was closed. Come Sunday, I was a complete wreck.
I'm talking about the hellish symptoms: nausea, vertigo, general body weakness, a forever stuffy and fuzzy feeling in your head, little shocks in your ears, and very vivid/scary dreams (which I usually don't remember when waking up, but paxil withdrawal somehow allows you to remember everything), diarrhea, and the general feeling of emptiness, lack of energy, kind of like being a zombie. The only thing that kept me from completely passing out was sleeping most of the day away (lying very still and not moving much), face down in my pillow, cause even sleeping supine was hell.
Apparently, my psychiatrist, who will be leaving the island for good, will be leaving me on this damn pill until I have passed the RN exam, and become steady in my work as a RN. But that's like, what, 2 years from now!?!
She won't be here to get me off the fucking thing, but she will leave instructions for my internist on how to taper me off slowly. Boy, I can't wait for that fucking day. Until then, I have to try my best to not forget to take that damn pill, or I suffer the withdrawal consequences.
But I can't help my ADD sometimes...it's just who I am. And I kind of missed Val this whole weekend. Usually, she helps me keep track of getting my meds and stuff, but with her gone, I've been left to my own forgetful devices. And that sucks. I rely on my sis too much perhaps...
So, I'll be at work today, not completely recovered from my withdrawal hell...the first thing I did this morning was wake up, go straight to Megadrug as soon as it opened, and got me my damn pills. Even though a dose is in my body now, I figure it will still be a couple days before I really feel okay. As I write this, minute movements of my head send me into dizzyness. Driving was such a task this morning too. Imagine how I'll be at work today!
Motherfucker shit.
Shit motherfucker.
Wish me luck.
I wish I was already feeling like this...
