drain bamage

Hi to Trev! :)

My own bro is coming back for a visit on the 15th. I'm so stoked ...

RE: school: If you want a tip from me ... I say take it one day at a time. I try to do a little of the work each day. I tell myself, "If I write a page a day I'll have it done by the end of the week." Now, I'm not a saint so this doesn't always work. But it's a better mindset than "Omigod I have so much to do I don't even know where to start." Even if I add a little to the outline then I feel like I earned a break. :P

Take right now for instance. I'm taking a break from my research project to check your blog and post a comment. And after this I'll flip to the other window and add another couple sentences. Eventually the whole thing is done.

Eventually means on Tuesday, but you get my drift. Of course, you can ignore this unsolicited advice if you please.

Oh man. I took about two days off this week because my eyes were so strained I was dyin'. Picture bloodshot, watery, itchy .. the whole shebang. I had to look up how to reduce eye strain on the net. Now I've moved my desk around, changed the lighting in my room, increased my font sizes, etc. I also have eyedrops handy. Eye strain SUCKS, dude.

We're not 21 anymore ... I can no longer stare at this thing all night.

Another two cents and I'll stop. You still sound depressed. Apathy is my biggest problem when the depression rears its head. I'm always fighting it. And when you're sick it's even harder to care. I also feel tired most of the time, so I understand and empathize with you.

*sigh* Just writing this is making me feel depressed. But I'm gonna press on.

Anyway ... I think the flip side of apathy is anxiety - stressing out because you care too much. We can't win, dude. Better to do as the Buddha said - the middle path. Moderation in all things.

My coping strategy hasn't changed since I left therapy: one day at a time. That means one thing, one task, one step, one assignment, etc. etc. For me, I feel really good when I accomplish that one attainable goal. I’ll sit here and peck away at both my papers until they’re done. I hope on time, but I’m going to be nice to myself and remember if they are a little late I won’t die. In fact – stressing out over them is worse for my health because I’ll break out in a big ass rash and then NOTHING will get done. (Now this is making me itchy ...)

The same could be said for you, Ronnie. Not a rash, of course, but stressing out makes your fatigue and aches worse. Our bodies express their distress with physical symptoms.

Now we're back to the Buddha. You just have to learn what balance works for your body. I believe you will.

Dude...I'd take your advice any day.
I just finished reading your comments after I already posted the next blog :p You're right. I'm sounding like I'm depressed again. I don't expect to ever not feel sad, but I just hate it when I start to feel worse than usual. And I'm scared to go back to me deepest depression days. Those are days I do not want to live again.

I think I spent this whole day giving up. I have one whole paper to write, due tomorrow, and it's nearly 12 AM. I already know myself. I can't do it. I'd rather sleep than stress in the early morning.

I did do some more NCLEX prep tests earlier this week, but I didn't pass the 5th one, so, I technically did 4 out of 5. And I'm thinking that's good enough. There really is no time for me to study and pass the 5th one.

And, I think I'm blaming myself now for not moving my ass earlier. Maybe that's what's making me feel bad.

But that's how I am. Maybe I can just pass without turning in the last paper, but it was the main focus of one of my classes. I've already done an oral presentation on it, but to actually write the damn paper...it's another thing.

hmmm...getting too long here, let me e-mail you ;)