Feeling Shitty and Stressed
I don't have very good coping mechanisms/behaviors. If I become stressed (which is rather easily), I instantly shut down or turn into a monster. I lose patience with people. I am very short with them. I am easily irritable. I am mean and inconsiderate, or indifferent. I am not a very nice nurse, period.
And I, as a nurse, should not be any of those bad things, especially at work, and especially when dealing with patients.
But I can't help it. Let's face it: if I really had good coping skills, I would probably not need psychotropic drugs and psychotherapy.
So, what's the cause of such a rant as this?
Work is stressing me out. And my coworkers are feeling it too. I've been asking them recently if they've been feeling the same as I, and guess what, they are.
It's called Nurse BURNOUT. Overworked, Underpaid, Unsafe patient to nurse ratios, and highly acute cases of patients (I'm talking ICU level care). I'm getting fed up with patients, and especially their families! Sometimes, the patient is cool and all, but the family gets on your nerves. There's just too many patients that we are caring for...all of them really, REALLY sick, and requiring lots of attention and care - but with so many patients, time and care are spread really thin, and complaints and attitudes start flaring and blazing.
The nurses are really TRYING THEIR BEST. But our BEST has apparently not been enough. Also, dealing with other departments, and especially the doctors - that's more pain in our asses. Sometimes doctors are also stressed out with their load of patients, and pass on their shit to the nurses...and who are the nurses supposed to dish shit onto? Nobody, ideally, but realistically, it shouldn't, but often gets dished onto patients and their families.
In normal circumstances, nurses will recognize that stress shit and STOP themselves from dishing it out to others, but since GMH never operates under "NORMAL" circumstances, nurses are having to find another outlet for that stress shit - usually to eachother or themselves.
But when the stress shit just becomes too much, and overwhelms and permeates everything on a daily basis, that protective barrier breaks down and becomes non-existant, and thus, you have the "MEAN NURSE" or "BAD NURSE".
Am I even making any sense here?
All I'm saying is this: I am tired of work already. I force myself to go there, do my thing, and try my damndest to get home on time, all to make a lousy paycheck. When I'm at work, I feel sick. I feel stressed. I'm not happy. I try to crack jokes and make work out to be fun. But lately, it's even getting hard to be like that. I don't smile as much as I want to. I'm starting to really not care about anything at work anymore. I complain, and complain, and bitch and moan about work too much to my coworkers. They must be tired of me whining my ass off about how I hate everything at work recently.
I'M ON THE VERGE OF SOME KIND OF BREAKDOWN!!!
===============================================
In other sad news....
-------------------------------------------------------------
STAFF ARE LEAVING MY UNIT
Okay, so it's not "MY" unit, but I have a sense of belonging to my unit at work. Yesterday, I was caught off-guard by some very sad news. One of my fellow workers, whom I think of as a good friend, has transferred to another department within GMH.
Now, you may remember a previous blog post that I wrote about, where I complained about my male nurse assistant? Well...it's HIM. He left us. Apparently, he couldn't take the stress shit anymore, and he secretly moved to another section. It was a total shock to me. He never even told me that he was leaving. I never even heard the "rumors" about his departure.
And I can't help but feel GUILTY about him leaving. I mean, we have all been under incredible stress lately, and I may have conveyed feelings of disappoinment in him with regards to caring for our female patients (view that old blog if you don't know what I'm talking about), but, I don't think I ever treated him wrong or unfair. I always try to help my nurse assistants if I can, so that the stress or burden can be tolerable. I've always liked him and had fun with him, like a friend. I even made a nice kick-ass Superman logo pic for him to place on his locker, because he loves Superman so much.
Maybe he really couldn't take it anymore, and realized life could be easier for him working in a different department. I don't blame him for wanting to go someplace where it is better for him. But I also can't help but think that he took the EASY way out of work. I guess it's just my values, or my wanting to overcome challenges and not back down. Or maybe he's not a masochist like me. Who fucking knows...
------------------------------------------------------------
PAPA IS GETTING WORKED UP FOR LUNG CANCER
Papa's been a smoker for most of his life. He only quit for good when he had his heart attack in 2004. But, I've always thought Papa would have serious lung issues just because of his history of the lengthy cigarette habit. When going through nursing assistant college during high school, I realized that Papa had what's called a Barrel Chest - common for people with emphysema. I thought that would be the extent of his lung disease, but that's not the case now.
During his yearly physical exam, his pulse-ox was checked (it measures the amount of oxygen saturation in your blood at any given time). Normally, a pulse-ox value should be 96% and above. Papa's was just in the high 80's and low 90's, which is not good. The lower your pulse-ox or oxygen saturation, the less oxygen is being delivered to vital body organs - like the heart and more importantly, the brain.
People with lung disease generally don't have nice pulse-ox values, so I wasn't TOO alarmed. The doctor told Papa he has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), which is the catch-all phrase used to tell someone that you just really have BAD LUNGS, in general. The doctor also told Papa he's got Asthma - as Papa does get out of breath at times, but, I've never heard Papa have any wheezing, which is common in asthmatic patients. But anyway, the doctor gave him inhalers to use/puff to open up his airways and let more oxygen get into his apparently permanently damaged lungs.
What really concerned us was the results of Papa's Chest X-ray. There was a small NODULE seen somewhere in his right lung. Now, from what I know as a nurse, that's generally NOT GOOD. And the doctor needed to confirm this nodule with further testing. So Papa just had a CT scan done - and the nodule is still there. But we still don't know what the hell it is.
So, Papa will be going for a CT-guided lung biopsy - basically, a radiologist will use the CT scanner machine to help locate the nodule accurately, then insert a big-ass and long-ass needle into Papa's chest to aspirate (pull out) a microscopic chunk of the questionable nodule. This biopsied peice of tissue will then be sent to labs to undergo further tests to confirm if it's cancer or not, benign or malignant, etc...
So, Papa's not too happy about these recent health developments. He's probably depressed. And he's probably scared about what will be found. I know I'm scared about this. We'll just have to wait and see.
-------------------------------------------------------------
THIS YEAR SO FAR
We're more than halfway done with this fucking year. The first part of this year was rather nice, compared to what's going on these days. I mean, I was sick and all, but I had the opportunity to go off-island and do something about my illness, have it treated, and have fun at the same time. I also finally graduated from UOG. I started courting someone.
But after all that, it seems life is just slumping downhill now. I'm stressed out. I need to take that damn NCLEX RN exam soon, Papa's possibly got cancer, work is HELL, and life is just hard right now.
--------------------------------------------------------------
NURSES NEED RELEASE
Nurses like me, are getting BURNED OUT, especially at GMH.
It's no wonder some nurses are looking to or possibly entertaining ideas of self-medication. Seriously. I talked to my coworker yesterday, and she's just as fed up as I. She's thinking about trying MaryJane to calm her nerves. She possibly joked about trying Ice too. Now that's fucking serious statements for a nurse to make. Nurses are more prone to getting addicted to drugs and shit. And some nurses are possibly going to take that path soon, 'cause nursing is becoming too much to handle. That is fucking SCARY. Do you want a nurse that's high on ice to be taking care of you and medicating you?
---------------------------------------------------------------
look what this nurse is resorting to...
And I, as a nurse, should not be any of those bad things, especially at work, and especially when dealing with patients.
But I can't help it. Let's face it: if I really had good coping skills, I would probably not need psychotropic drugs and psychotherapy.
So, what's the cause of such a rant as this?
Work is stressing me out. And my coworkers are feeling it too. I've been asking them recently if they've been feeling the same as I, and guess what, they are.
It's called Nurse BURNOUT. Overworked, Underpaid, Unsafe patient to nurse ratios, and highly acute cases of patients (I'm talking ICU level care). I'm getting fed up with patients, and especially their families! Sometimes, the patient is cool and all, but the family gets on your nerves. There's just too many patients that we are caring for...all of them really, REALLY sick, and requiring lots of attention and care - but with so many patients, time and care are spread really thin, and complaints and attitudes start flaring and blazing.
The nurses are really TRYING THEIR BEST. But our BEST has apparently not been enough. Also, dealing with other departments, and especially the doctors - that's more pain in our asses. Sometimes doctors are also stressed out with their load of patients, and pass on their shit to the nurses...and who are the nurses supposed to dish shit onto? Nobody, ideally, but realistically, it shouldn't, but often gets dished onto patients and their families.
In normal circumstances, nurses will recognize that stress shit and STOP themselves from dishing it out to others, but since GMH never operates under "NORMAL" circumstances, nurses are having to find another outlet for that stress shit - usually to eachother or themselves.
But when the stress shit just becomes too much, and overwhelms and permeates everything on a daily basis, that protective barrier breaks down and becomes non-existant, and thus, you have the "MEAN NURSE" or "BAD NURSE".
Am I even making any sense here?
All I'm saying is this: I am tired of work already. I force myself to go there, do my thing, and try my damndest to get home on time, all to make a lousy paycheck. When I'm at work, I feel sick. I feel stressed. I'm not happy. I try to crack jokes and make work out to be fun. But lately, it's even getting hard to be like that. I don't smile as much as I want to. I'm starting to really not care about anything at work anymore. I complain, and complain, and bitch and moan about work too much to my coworkers. They must be tired of me whining my ass off about how I hate everything at work recently.
I'M ON THE VERGE OF SOME KIND OF BREAKDOWN!!!
===============================================
In other sad news....
-------------------------------------------------------------
STAFF ARE LEAVING MY UNIT
Okay, so it's not "MY" unit, but I have a sense of belonging to my unit at work. Yesterday, I was caught off-guard by some very sad news. One of my fellow workers, whom I think of as a good friend, has transferred to another department within GMH.
Now, you may remember a previous blog post that I wrote about, where I complained about my male nurse assistant? Well...it's HIM. He left us. Apparently, he couldn't take the stress shit anymore, and he secretly moved to another section. It was a total shock to me. He never even told me that he was leaving. I never even heard the "rumors" about his departure.
And I can't help but feel GUILTY about him leaving. I mean, we have all been under incredible stress lately, and I may have conveyed feelings of disappoinment in him with regards to caring for our female patients (view that old blog if you don't know what I'm talking about), but, I don't think I ever treated him wrong or unfair. I always try to help my nurse assistants if I can, so that the stress or burden can be tolerable. I've always liked him and had fun with him, like a friend. I even made a nice kick-ass Superman logo pic for him to place on his locker, because he loves Superman so much.
Maybe he really couldn't take it anymore, and realized life could be easier for him working in a different department. I don't blame him for wanting to go someplace where it is better for him. But I also can't help but think that he took the EASY way out of work. I guess it's just my values, or my wanting to overcome challenges and not back down. Or maybe he's not a masochist like me. Who fucking knows...
------------------------------------------------------------
PAPA IS GETTING WORKED UP FOR LUNG CANCER
Papa's been a smoker for most of his life. He only quit for good when he had his heart attack in 2004. But, I've always thought Papa would have serious lung issues just because of his history of the lengthy cigarette habit. When going through nursing assistant college during high school, I realized that Papa had what's called a Barrel Chest - common for people with emphysema. I thought that would be the extent of his lung disease, but that's not the case now.
During his yearly physical exam, his pulse-ox was checked (it measures the amount of oxygen saturation in your blood at any given time). Normally, a pulse-ox value should be 96% and above. Papa's was just in the high 80's and low 90's, which is not good. The lower your pulse-ox or oxygen saturation, the less oxygen is being delivered to vital body organs - like the heart and more importantly, the brain.
People with lung disease generally don't have nice pulse-ox values, so I wasn't TOO alarmed. The doctor told Papa he has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), which is the catch-all phrase used to tell someone that you just really have BAD LUNGS, in general. The doctor also told Papa he's got Asthma - as Papa does get out of breath at times, but, I've never heard Papa have any wheezing, which is common in asthmatic patients. But anyway, the doctor gave him inhalers to use/puff to open up his airways and let more oxygen get into his apparently permanently damaged lungs.
What really concerned us was the results of Papa's Chest X-ray. There was a small NODULE seen somewhere in his right lung. Now, from what I know as a nurse, that's generally NOT GOOD. And the doctor needed to confirm this nodule with further testing. So Papa just had a CT scan done - and the nodule is still there. But we still don't know what the hell it is.
So, Papa will be going for a CT-guided lung biopsy - basically, a radiologist will use the CT scanner machine to help locate the nodule accurately, then insert a big-ass and long-ass needle into Papa's chest to aspirate (pull out) a microscopic chunk of the questionable nodule. This biopsied peice of tissue will then be sent to labs to undergo further tests to confirm if it's cancer or not, benign or malignant, etc...
So, Papa's not too happy about these recent health developments. He's probably depressed. And he's probably scared about what will be found. I know I'm scared about this. We'll just have to wait and see.
-------------------------------------------------------------
THIS YEAR SO FAR
We're more than halfway done with this fucking year. The first part of this year was rather nice, compared to what's going on these days. I mean, I was sick and all, but I had the opportunity to go off-island and do something about my illness, have it treated, and have fun at the same time. I also finally graduated from UOG. I started courting someone.
But after all that, it seems life is just slumping downhill now. I'm stressed out. I need to take that damn NCLEX RN exam soon, Papa's possibly got cancer, work is HELL, and life is just hard right now.
--------------------------------------------------------------
NURSES NEED RELEASE
Nurses like me, are getting BURNED OUT, especially at GMH.
It's no wonder some nurses are looking to or possibly entertaining ideas of self-medication. Seriously. I talked to my coworker yesterday, and she's just as fed up as I. She's thinking about trying MaryJane to calm her nerves. She possibly joked about trying Ice too. Now that's fucking serious statements for a nurse to make. Nurses are more prone to getting addicted to drugs and shit. And some nurses are possibly going to take that path soon, 'cause nursing is becoming too much to handle. That is fucking SCARY. Do you want a nurse that's high on ice to be taking care of you and medicating you?
---------------------------------------------------------------
look what this nurse is resorting to...
