FINALLY back online...but with some awful news to share
Just when I needed to blog the most, my computer DIES on me. Something was wrong with the video card or something, and just yesterday I got the tower back from PC Outlet. I missed my computer so much! I'm doing a complete virus scan as we speak, and already I'm finding some bugs that weren't there the last time I scanned pre-crash. So...that's annoying, but I'll fix it.
A lot of shit has been happening.
SHIT #1
When I last blogged, it was a poem about my feelings. And well, I acted on those feelings and I broke up with my fiance. It was a HORRIBLE breakup. For a while now, I've been falling out of love with him. I even stopped sleeping with the stuffed animals he gave me. I stopped wearing the necklace and rings he gave me. I was only wearing my engagement ring - TiCo (which I bought) - and I realize now that buying TiCo was my last-ditch effort of making me try to stay in this relationship. But I was lying to myself. I was really unhappy after all. The language barrier and communication difficulties just proved to be to much for me to deal with. I was VERY understanding for a LONG time. I mean, we had our 1 year anniversary and all. But I was trying TOO hard to stay in love with him. I was fooling myself.
The very last phone call I made to him was terrible. We were silent about HALF the time. He was watching TV while on the phone with me! We didn't talk about anything! He just asked me every now and then, "how are you?" Plus, the phone reception itself was absolutely horrible that night...I mean, it's always a bad and unclear call, but I couldn't understand anything he said mostly. I felt that it's USELESS.
HOW CAN I STAY IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE THAT I CAN'T TALK TO?
I've had this communication concern with him 2 times previously (which nearly caused breakups) - and both times he PROMISED to do BETTER. Well...the third time was it. I've had enough. Three strikes, he's out.
So, after that useless phone call, the next day he proposes something to me. He said his mom had difficulty selling her piglets (baby pigs) to a buyer because the buyer saw that they were sick. But, per Arnold, the piglets got better, but still, the buyer refused. So, Arnold and his mom talked to each other and decided to ask me to buy ALL 7 PIGLETS, at a cost of 2,000 pesos each, or over $40 US dollars EACH, totaling over $300 US dollars. I said I'll ask Val if I can offer help, 'cause I don't know shit about my finances.
But then, he also says, that when I buy all the piglets, his mom will RAISE them until December, but she also needs money EVERY MONTH to feed the damn piglets - he wanted me to send them $100 US dollars monthly to raise the 7 piglets. He said come December, when his mom sells them off, I will get ALL my money back.
So...that raised so many RED FLAGS.
Number 1 - I know nothing about agriculture or raising animals for sale. I realize anything can happen to animals - they can get sick, they can die, etc. What if those piglets don't make it to December? I'd still be sending $100 monthly! What if she has difficulty selling them in December? She will just keep them and I'll have to keep feeding them???
Number 2 - this is an issue that I shouldn't have been brought into. WE ARE NOT EVEN MARRIED FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Why is he making me worry about his parent's financial woes? I felt that he was out of line in coming to me for help.
Number 3 - I asked him 2 times in a row during our text conversation of this piglet issue - ARE YOU SURE THERE ARE NO OTHER BUYERS? And guess what, HE FAILED TO ANSWER BOTH TIMES. So how else am I to take that? Naturally, one will think that they did not TRY to find someone else and they're just AUTOMATICALLY seeking ME for help, because they think I'm a SURE THING.
Number 4 - I know I gave them lots of nice things. Nice, expensive things, like name-brand things. But those were gifts that I knew they would like, or things that Arnold told me they liked. So I gave them those things to repay their hospitality. Did this give them the impression that I'M MADE OF MONEY?
Number 5 - I did the MATH. I calculated all the money he wanted me to send, plus the money to buy the pigs, and compared that to the selling price he gave me in December - and guess what - in the end, it came out as a LOSS of money.
You know, I really felt that this was a problem that he and his family should have dealt with on their own. I don't think it was right of him to drag me into this.
So after this shit, I stopped texting him for about 3 days. The next day, I sent him a text saying that I can't marry him, because I'm not certain that I want this relationship. I didn't go into details and give him reasons why, but I essentially said it's over. Then I cut him off completely - I deleted his Syner-G account - so he wouldn't be able to text me back for 1 peso. If he wanted to say something to me, he would have to do it the regular way - text my number the regular way. BUT HE DIDN'T.
You know, I think he got TOO COMFORTABLE with me. He thought I was caught. He must've thought that he'd done everything to completely have me. Boy, was he WRONG.
SHIT#2
The breakup.
About 3-4 days later, I kind of felt that I owed him an explanation - you know, the actual reasons for the breakup. So I sent him a text, stating I can't stand the communication problems any more, and I can't help but think that he will USE me in order to realize his dreams for his family.
Let me explain further.
In the past, he has told me that he wants to give his mom and dad a better life, to make sure he can provide for them financially. As they are now, his mother breeds and sells piglets - I know now that it's a business that does not provide steady income. His father is a construction foreman, so his income depends on whether or not he has a job site to work on - so at that time, he was without work. So really, Arnold was the only steady income earner for his family - having a steady job and guaranteed pay.
This is what I thought - if I bring him over to Guam, he will not be able to find a job for a long time due to his status. I will essentially support him and his life here on Guam until much later. During that time, I will have taken away his family's steady income. Thus, I had a feeling that when he's here, he will ask me to send money to his parents in his place.
THAT IS WHAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH.
I cannot afford to support him and his parents! I refuse to! I just don't want to!
So, I realized, that if I do that in the future, I will open myself to more shit - I will be expected to help out in the future, especially if we were married.
To me - NO GOOD.
So, once I sent the text with my reasons, I was expecting him to argue back his case, but NO! He must've told his older sister what I sent him, because she was the one texting me back and bitching me out!
So essentially, I did not break up with Arnold, I just dumped him, because he didn't fight back. His sister fought back for him - so I broke up with his sister instead!
And the things she said - ......FUCKING PISSES ME OFF.....I still loose sleep over her words....
here's the conversation of txt, sister is in yellow color, I'm in orange color (and this is directly from my backup sms)
----------------------
Roni dis s Airene,i heard what hppnd bet.u nd Arnold,shame on u thinking that my family is up to your money,we maybe poor but we are respectable person and not opportunist.we did'nt ask anything from u,all d things u gve us,u can hve it back we dnt need it.we treat u lke a princess but u see us as a RAG
Your decision is just fne Roni,no one running after u.its just dat we Filipino love so easily,that's why we're hurting coz we invest so much emotions.But i want u 2 know dat u judge Arnold so easily.nd ill never 4get u coz u'r just lke them who hurt my brother so much,nd worst u see him so little.bye
Ur comparing me wit his past relationships, i think each relationship is unique. U say I treated him like 'them', i know nothing about his past girlfrends, maybe arnold did not learn anything from his previous relationships, dats y da same thing happens again.
I understand dat ur upset, but pls remember 2 dat i put alot of feelings into this relationship. U r a good sister 4 sticking up 4 arnold like this, but da problem is realy between him and me. My heart has been telling me he's not the 1, the money issue was not the only problem btween us.
Money shldnt rlly bn an issue Roni,i admit he was wrong n shring that problem w/u nd I told hm bwt dat,he sa's it was in gud faith,he rlly just cnt explain better coz his poor in english.Roni u dnt know how hard he work 2 hve a gud fture its just dat he has a liver problem and its a hindrance 2 him.
I understand all that u said, i dont mean 2 hurt any of u, especialy arnold, but if i didnt stop this now, i would hav bcome more unhappy and resentful. I dont want 2 intentionaly hurt any1. Da language barrier has always been there, but the distance also made that unbearable.
Anyway its ok dat it is over,we hvnt talk much yet but im sure dat he'll fne,ill just want 2 mke it clear dat no one in d fmily loved u bcoz of what u hve,neither Arnold,i say dis not bcoz he's my brother,but bcoz i know hm bter.gudluck
Ok, its sad dats how every1 feels, but it cant b helped. Take care then.
------------------
So, now my question to you is - WHAT KIND OF MAN LETS HIS OLDER SISTER FIGHT HIS BATTLES FOR HIM?
SHIT#3
Papa is in the hospital.
I'll blog about that later.
ALL OF THIS SHIT AT THE SAME TIME!
In the meantime, TiCo officially belongs on my RIGHT RING FINGER.
A lot of shit has been happening.
SHIT #1
When I last blogged, it was a poem about my feelings. And well, I acted on those feelings and I broke up with my fiance. It was a HORRIBLE breakup. For a while now, I've been falling out of love with him. I even stopped sleeping with the stuffed animals he gave me. I stopped wearing the necklace and rings he gave me. I was only wearing my engagement ring - TiCo (which I bought) - and I realize now that buying TiCo was my last-ditch effort of making me try to stay in this relationship. But I was lying to myself. I was really unhappy after all. The language barrier and communication difficulties just proved to be to much for me to deal with. I was VERY understanding for a LONG time. I mean, we had our 1 year anniversary and all. But I was trying TOO hard to stay in love with him. I was fooling myself.
The very last phone call I made to him was terrible. We were silent about HALF the time. He was watching TV while on the phone with me! We didn't talk about anything! He just asked me every now and then, "how are you?" Plus, the phone reception itself was absolutely horrible that night...I mean, it's always a bad and unclear call, but I couldn't understand anything he said mostly. I felt that it's USELESS.
HOW CAN I STAY IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE THAT I CAN'T TALK TO?
I've had this communication concern with him 2 times previously (which nearly caused breakups) - and both times he PROMISED to do BETTER. Well...the third time was it. I've had enough. Three strikes, he's out.
So, after that useless phone call, the next day he proposes something to me. He said his mom had difficulty selling her piglets (baby pigs) to a buyer because the buyer saw that they were sick. But, per Arnold, the piglets got better, but still, the buyer refused. So, Arnold and his mom talked to each other and decided to ask me to buy ALL 7 PIGLETS, at a cost of 2,000 pesos each, or over $40 US dollars EACH, totaling over $300 US dollars. I said I'll ask Val if I can offer help, 'cause I don't know shit about my finances.
But then, he also says, that when I buy all the piglets, his mom will RAISE them until December, but she also needs money EVERY MONTH to feed the damn piglets - he wanted me to send them $100 US dollars monthly to raise the 7 piglets. He said come December, when his mom sells them off, I will get ALL my money back.
So...that raised so many RED FLAGS.
Number 1 - I know nothing about agriculture or raising animals for sale. I realize anything can happen to animals - they can get sick, they can die, etc. What if those piglets don't make it to December? I'd still be sending $100 monthly! What if she has difficulty selling them in December? She will just keep them and I'll have to keep feeding them???
Number 2 - this is an issue that I shouldn't have been brought into. WE ARE NOT EVEN MARRIED FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Why is he making me worry about his parent's financial woes? I felt that he was out of line in coming to me for help.
Number 3 - I asked him 2 times in a row during our text conversation of this piglet issue - ARE YOU SURE THERE ARE NO OTHER BUYERS? And guess what, HE FAILED TO ANSWER BOTH TIMES. So how else am I to take that? Naturally, one will think that they did not TRY to find someone else and they're just AUTOMATICALLY seeking ME for help, because they think I'm a SURE THING.
Number 4 - I know I gave them lots of nice things. Nice, expensive things, like name-brand things. But those were gifts that I knew they would like, or things that Arnold told me they liked. So I gave them those things to repay their hospitality. Did this give them the impression that I'M MADE OF MONEY?
Number 5 - I did the MATH. I calculated all the money he wanted me to send, plus the money to buy the pigs, and compared that to the selling price he gave me in December - and guess what - in the end, it came out as a LOSS of money.
You know, I really felt that this was a problem that he and his family should have dealt with on their own. I don't think it was right of him to drag me into this.
So after this shit, I stopped texting him for about 3 days. The next day, I sent him a text saying that I can't marry him, because I'm not certain that I want this relationship. I didn't go into details and give him reasons why, but I essentially said it's over. Then I cut him off completely - I deleted his Syner-G account - so he wouldn't be able to text me back for 1 peso. If he wanted to say something to me, he would have to do it the regular way - text my number the regular way. BUT HE DIDN'T.
You know, I think he got TOO COMFORTABLE with me. He thought I was caught. He must've thought that he'd done everything to completely have me. Boy, was he WRONG.
SHIT#2
The breakup.
About 3-4 days later, I kind of felt that I owed him an explanation - you know, the actual reasons for the breakup. So I sent him a text, stating I can't stand the communication problems any more, and I can't help but think that he will USE me in order to realize his dreams for his family.
Let me explain further.
In the past, he has told me that he wants to give his mom and dad a better life, to make sure he can provide for them financially. As they are now, his mother breeds and sells piglets - I know now that it's a business that does not provide steady income. His father is a construction foreman, so his income depends on whether or not he has a job site to work on - so at that time, he was without work. So really, Arnold was the only steady income earner for his family - having a steady job and guaranteed pay.
This is what I thought - if I bring him over to Guam, he will not be able to find a job for a long time due to his status. I will essentially support him and his life here on Guam until much later. During that time, I will have taken away his family's steady income. Thus, I had a feeling that when he's here, he will ask me to send money to his parents in his place.
THAT IS WHAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH.
I cannot afford to support him and his parents! I refuse to! I just don't want to!
So, I realized, that if I do that in the future, I will open myself to more shit - I will be expected to help out in the future, especially if we were married.
To me - NO GOOD.
So, once I sent the text with my reasons, I was expecting him to argue back his case, but NO! He must've told his older sister what I sent him, because she was the one texting me back and bitching me out!
So essentially, I did not break up with Arnold, I just dumped him, because he didn't fight back. His sister fought back for him - so I broke up with his sister instead!
And the things she said - ......FUCKING PISSES ME OFF.....I still loose sleep over her words....
here's the conversation of txt, sister is in yellow color, I'm in orange color (and this is directly from my backup sms)
----------------------
Roni dis s Airene,i heard what hppnd bet.u nd Arnold,shame on u thinking that my family is up to your money,we maybe poor but we are respectable person and not opportunist.we did'nt ask anything from u,all d things u gve us,u can hve it back we dnt need it.we treat u lke a princess but u see us as a RAG
Your decision is just fne Roni,no one running after u.its just dat we Filipino love so easily,that's why we're hurting coz we invest so much emotions.But i want u 2 know dat u judge Arnold so easily.nd ill never 4get u coz u'r just lke them who hurt my brother so much,nd worst u see him so little.bye
Ur comparing me wit his past relationships, i think each relationship is unique. U say I treated him like 'them', i know nothing about his past girlfrends, maybe arnold did not learn anything from his previous relationships, dats y da same thing happens again.
I understand dat ur upset, but pls remember 2 dat i put alot of feelings into this relationship. U r a good sister 4 sticking up 4 arnold like this, but da problem is realy between him and me. My heart has been telling me he's not the 1, the money issue was not the only problem btween us.
Money shldnt rlly bn an issue Roni,i admit he was wrong n shring that problem w/u nd I told hm bwt dat,he sa's it was in gud faith,he rlly just cnt explain better coz his poor in english.Roni u dnt know how hard he work 2 hve a gud fture its just dat he has a liver problem and its a hindrance 2 him.
I understand all that u said, i dont mean 2 hurt any of u, especialy arnold, but if i didnt stop this now, i would hav bcome more unhappy and resentful. I dont want 2 intentionaly hurt any1. Da language barrier has always been there, but the distance also made that unbearable.
Anyway its ok dat it is over,we hvnt talk much yet but im sure dat he'll fne,ill just want 2 mke it clear dat no one in d fmily loved u bcoz of what u hve,neither Arnold,i say dis not bcoz he's my brother,but bcoz i know hm bter.gudluck
Ok, its sad dats how every1 feels, but it cant b helped. Take care then.
------------------
So, now my question to you is - WHAT KIND OF MAN LETS HIS OLDER SISTER FIGHT HIS BATTLES FOR HIM?
SHIT#3
Papa is in the hospital.
I'll blog about that later.
ALL OF THIS SHIT AT THE SAME TIME!
In the meantime, TiCo officially belongs on my RIGHT RING FINGER.
I give you a hand for having the confidence and courage to do what I can't Ronnie... I pray for your happiness and th courage to follow in your footsteps... We have more in common than I thought!
Love you and wish you the best my friend! Keep us posted on Papa...
Oh! And I see Val and the girls tomorrow! *hugs*
Posted by
Jess |
8/02/2007 02:06:00 PM
I'm very proud of you for sticking up for yourself. No - you should not have to support his family, and he should have not asked you or pressured you to do so (directly or indirectly).
I'm going to call you tomorrow morning so we can talk. I can also bitch about my own computer woes with you. :)
Posted by
sabete |
8/03/2007 07:00:00 PM
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's always sad to hear about relationships ending. You were being asked to give a LOT into this relationship. It is only right to expect the same in return. You stood up for yourself and really listened to your inner heart. *hugs*
Posted by
June |
8/11/2007 02:08:00 AM